My life is a mess. I have failed and been broken. I hate where I am at. This blog is just an outlet for my creative and teaching spirit. Feel free to pass on by. I am not interested in fights so don’t cause any. I do, however, love discussions so start as many as you would like. There are plenty of other sites you can find.
I am also an alcoholic. I have been powerless against it. But an alcoholic is not my true nature. This is not who I am. I am a father of three beautiful children. I had been a pastor for over 15 years. I was married for almost 15 years. I had friends and community. I have been a restaurant manager and a general manager. I lost everything….and then lost it all again. And again. I’m an idiot. I hate what I have made my life into to. I hate how I have hurt people. I hate how I have given them all of the ammunition to turn anything back around onto me. I hate that they can doubt everything even the most innocent of actions. I am tired of this life.
I am, however, a Bible nerd and good at it. I love to study and teach. By no means am I the best or even a contender. But I have a knack for it. And I have missed it. This is simply an output for my process and nerdiness. If anything, it will give me something else to do other than drink. If you feel so inclined, you can come along for the ride.
Through my plethora of mistakes, I feel like I have lost all credibility and confidence. So why am I doing this?
- Alcoholism is not the base of my true nature. It is a disease I have brought on myself. I still am me and have insights to offer.
- Other people might be going through some of these things too. Perhaps we can help each other.
- Perhaps you know someone who is struggling and don’t know what they are going through. Maybe it makes no sense to you. Maybe, I can offer some insights.
- I have often said, “Once a pastor, always a pastor.” When I study or learn something, I typically process it through the lens of how would I teach this. But I haven’t had an outlet. At a minimum, I can just pretend I am teaching in someway.
In short, this blog is purely selfish. I am just trying to do something other than drink. If something comes from this, so be it. I love Scripture and believe in its message. God is about redeeming humans and that includes me. His message is about how broken people can become whole again. I hope that includes me. I know it includes you.
The past few years have been a crap-show for me. I have made so many mistakes. I will make more. I have hurt people and myself. I am an alcoholic and am powerless against it. I’ve been trying to change and it has been terrifying. I lost my family and my church (and more) because of my choice of alcoholism. I am a nerd in many arenas but especially in the Bible. I miss sharing what I know and have learned. This blog is simply an output for my fascinations and journey. Thank you for joining me on my journey, ruminations, and tangents. I appreciate any support but this blog is for me – I’m talking to myself and you get to listen in.